Over the Christmas holiday I henna'd my hair. I only got to wear it out and big for a couple of days before my mother/daughter salon appointment. However, I loved the results. (I finally got rid of the remnants of the blond highlights from the summer of 2009. I have some henna left over, so I think that I will do a henna gloss once I wear out this press.
Side note - I really need to get back on my hair pic grind...
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Cheating - How Do you Define It?
After the events of NYE, I found myself pondering the definition of cheating. Whether it be a series of less than platonic phone calls/texts or a series of romps in the sack, there is that line that most people would not cross. I have always been of the mind that if it is an activity that you would not want you significant other engaging in, then it is cheating. It's the whole do unto others bit. It works for me because it keeps things clear. I do not have to wonder if I am crossing some unknown line.
Right now, I am feeling like the emotional equivalent of the other woman. I get the phone calls and text messages. I'm expected support every endeavor. I listen to him rant and moan. The thing that I don't get is the physical intimacy. That is where he draws the line. However, I still think that he crossed the line. While I love the attention, the time that is spent on me should be spent cultivating his primary relationship.
What is your line is the sand? Is it long phone calls where you talk about everything and nothing at the same time? Is it sexually suggestive text messages? Is it leaning on that outside person when you should be looking to your significant other for support? Is it the actual act of sexual intercourse?
Right now, I am feeling like the emotional equivalent of the other woman. I get the phone calls and text messages. I'm expected support every endeavor. I listen to him rant and moan. The thing that I don't get is the physical intimacy. That is where he draws the line. However, I still think that he crossed the line. While I love the attention, the time that is spent on me should be spent cultivating his primary relationship.
What is your line is the sand? Is it long phone calls where you talk about everything and nothing at the same time? Is it sexually suggestive text messages? Is it leaning on that outside person when you should be looking to your significant other for support? Is it the actual act of sexual intercourse?
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year to You Too...
So as far an NYE goes, 2010 was undoubtedly a quiet one. I didn't go out. I stayed home, drank obscene amounts of Pinot Noir and watched 300. (I do love that movie so...lol)
Anyhoo, as happens on many evenings Boy decides to start texting me. Things start off platonic enough, just a briefing on where we are and what we are doing. However, it veered off track as it often does and this time I did not feel compelled to right the train. I could blame it on the alcohol, but that is not my way. I left the conversation go farther than it should have because I wanted it to. I needed to know that I still affected him the way that he affected me. I knew that it was going to far and in my defense, I gave him plenty of opportunities to change the topic to something more fraternal. Before I knew it, he was telling me that he was fighting the urge to come to my house. What was I supposed to say to that? All I managed was that this was unfair to me and that he was going to be my undoing. He asked what I meant and I told him -- I still attracted to him and I can't have him right now. And it was only a matter of time before I did or said something that neither of us can take back. This isn't like his birthday. He wasn't attached then. Now he is completely attached. It wa terrifying and exhilarating to finally get it off my chest. It was gratifying to hear him return the sentiment. At least I know that I'm not alone in this, at least not in that aspect.
This conversation about suppressed desire continued for a few hours. (I still haven't figure out how he has so much time to go back and forth with me.) Eventually, he leaves from where he was and goes to his home, supposedly with much effort on his part not to make a detour. When he gets home, he calls me so that I can tell him about the dreams I've been having lately, since they were of a carnal nature and he was the center of them. I indulged him because that's what I do, even when I know I shouldn't. His voice is intoxicating and I know that's no excuse, but damn that man. I think I want he just because he's always been so difficult. So when he revealed that he had an idea on how to indulge without exactly being unfaithful, I could not help but ask how. He admitted that he called hoping to hear me pleasure myself since we both were in dire straits as it were. At that point, I could not have deny him if I wanted to... and I didn't want to. He listened as I worked myself into frenzy after frenzy. He reveled in every gasp and moan. I could hear the smug pride in his voice as he coaxed me over the edge, knowing that I was so caught in the moment that I couldn't speak. However, he was not the only one that got to feast on the sensation of someone getting of at the mere thought of being with them. I recognized the change in his voice, and before I knew it, he was acting with reckless abandon and no regard for the person that stood between us. All I know is that she wasn't on his mind when he came. I was my name that spilled from his lips, over and over again. It was thoughts of me that led him into slumber.
I'm not sure how to feel about all this though. It feels like we crossed a line. Maybe, it's more like we blurred the line. I don't know. All I know is that it happened. I can still hear him calling my name. The tones still send those good chills down my spine. It did nothing to purge my desire for him. In fact, I think it may have made it worse. He doesn't know that all he has to do is say the word and I'd drop everyone and devote myself to him. I don't think I'll share that with him. That's too much power for one man to have over me.
Anyhoo, as happens on many evenings Boy decides to start texting me. Things start off platonic enough, just a briefing on where we are and what we are doing. However, it veered off track as it often does and this time I did not feel compelled to right the train. I could blame it on the alcohol, but that is not my way. I left the conversation go farther than it should have because I wanted it to. I needed to know that I still affected him the way that he affected me. I knew that it was going to far and in my defense, I gave him plenty of opportunities to change the topic to something more fraternal. Before I knew it, he was telling me that he was fighting the urge to come to my house. What was I supposed to say to that? All I managed was that this was unfair to me and that he was going to be my undoing. He asked what I meant and I told him -- I still attracted to him and I can't have him right now. And it was only a matter of time before I did or said something that neither of us can take back. This isn't like his birthday. He wasn't attached then. Now he is completely attached. It wa terrifying and exhilarating to finally get it off my chest. It was gratifying to hear him return the sentiment. At least I know that I'm not alone in this, at least not in that aspect.
This conversation about suppressed desire continued for a few hours. (I still haven't figure out how he has so much time to go back and forth with me.) Eventually, he leaves from where he was and goes to his home, supposedly with much effort on his part not to make a detour. When he gets home, he calls me so that I can tell him about the dreams I've been having lately, since they were of a carnal nature and he was the center of them. I indulged him because that's what I do, even when I know I shouldn't. His voice is intoxicating and I know that's no excuse, but damn that man. I think I want he just because he's always been so difficult. So when he revealed that he had an idea on how to indulge without exactly being unfaithful, I could not help but ask how. He admitted that he called hoping to hear me pleasure myself since we both were in dire straits as it were. At that point, I could not have deny him if I wanted to... and I didn't want to. He listened as I worked myself into frenzy after frenzy. He reveled in every gasp and moan. I could hear the smug pride in his voice as he coaxed me over the edge, knowing that I was so caught in the moment that I couldn't speak. However, he was not the only one that got to feast on the sensation of someone getting of at the mere thought of being with them. I recognized the change in his voice, and before I knew it, he was acting with reckless abandon and no regard for the person that stood between us. All I know is that she wasn't on his mind when he came. I was my name that spilled from his lips, over and over again. It was thoughts of me that led him into slumber.
I'm not sure how to feel about all this though. It feels like we crossed a line. Maybe, it's more like we blurred the line. I don't know. All I know is that it happened. I can still hear him calling my name. The tones still send those good chills down my spine. It did nothing to purge my desire for him. In fact, I think it may have made it worse. He doesn't know that all he has to do is say the word and I'd drop everyone and devote myself to him. I don't think I'll share that with him. That's too much power for one man to have over me.
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