Oil Cleansing Method Day 4

And all is well... Nothing new to report... Well maybe one thing -- I haven't started to break out, so I'm guessing this castor/almond oil ratio works for my skin.

Oil Cleansing Massage Day 3

Nothing really new to report... Though I will note that there was a distinct lack of irritation and dry patched. I'm going to hazard a guess and say that it was probably the washcloth in combination with an uneven distribution of oil.

Oil Cleansing Massage Day 2

Alrighty... I just did my second OCM. This time I had on a moderate amount of make up (cream eye shadow, powder eye shadow, eyeliner & mascara). According to what I read about the OCM, I should be able to cleanse my face with only my oil mixture -- no prewashing needed. I really wish someone would have detailed the best way to remove my make up...

I will say that all the make up came up off. Not a speck of glitter was left behind. I did notice a few inflamed/reddish spots on my cheeks and a couple of dry patches around my mouth. I can't say if it was the make up swirling around in the oil, the warm washcloth or possibly an uneven distribution of oil.

I will say that I am enjoying the extra smoothness that the OCM affords.

Oil Cleansing Massage

Out of some twisted sense of necessity, I've kept a bottle of castor oil in my possession. I never really knew what do with it, but I had it. (I will admit, I was a bit put off by the popular laxative use for it.) One of the women at my church recommended it for my eczema and it worked pretty well. I didn't itch as much & the marks faded. Other than that, it stayed unused in my cabinet.

On a whim, I decided to research more uses for castor oil that didn't involve my digestive track. That is when I came upon the oil cleansing method. It sounded like something I should try considering all I put my skin through. (If you think monthly Brazilian waxes are fun, imaging having it done to your face.)

Castor oil is kind of thick, so every article I read recommended cutting it with another oil. I chose sweet almond oil because it masks the scent. I'm using a 25/75 castor oil/almond oil mix. (I chose it randomly. The ratio may change.)

I just did my first OCM and I will admit that my skin feels smoother. However, I can't say if it's the oil or the mild exfoliation of the hot washcloth... Only time will tell.

Mind and body

So... I have body issues. I've had them since puberty hit early and I was the only girl in the 5th grade wearing a 36B bra. Those issues worsened as I dated guy after guy that cheated on my with girls who were not nearly as smart or kind or pretty, but they were thinner than me. For years I literally ran myself ragged trying to obtain this figure that would never be mine. Along the way, my "inner peace" became linked to my outer appearance. When I'm a size 8 and below, I'm on top of the world. When my size hits double digits, I fall into a self destructive funk.

Right now I wear a size 10... and I am so not happy about it. I know what I need to do to get back to a place where I'm not trying to destroy everything around me. I know that these are not the behaviors that I want my daughter to inherit. i know that my weight affects my relationships because when I feel overweight, I am less confident in my interactions with the opposite sex. It's amazing how much I know, but still can't seem to change. *sigh*

I've decided that I am going to get myself back on track. I have no choice. I am laying waste to all that exists around be simply because I can't wear my favorite pair of skinny jeans. I am going to detox because I need to. My hair and skin is dry and yucky...and I know that it is a direct result of my less than spectacular eating habits. I need to be healthy and even keeled for my daughter. She deserves the best and right now I know that I am not at my best.

Let see...

Cow's milk doesn't agree with me and to be honest, I don't like the taste of it.
I don't like touching raw meat... I can manage chicken and fish, but I hate touching beef. I gave up pork already.
I just need to decide if I'm going to go the raw foods route or the veggies/whole grain route.

Any thoughts -- I'm starting on September 1, 2010.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Ever since I was young, I was taught to treat people with respect and they will do the same. As I grew older, I expanded that from people to relationships. I give any seemingly exclusive romantic relationship the same amount of respect that the individual parties do. I found that it has worked well... most of the time. Perhaps the problem isn't my practice, but rather the person that I was dealing with.

I'm my book, you can't claim to be in an exclusive and monogamous relationship and show up at my door at 10:30 pm on a weeknight. You can't be in an exclusive and monogamous relationship and stay at my house until 4 in the morning. You can't be in an exclusive and monogamous relationship and request the same manner of sexual behavior that we engaged in prior to the aforementioned relationship.

Doing any of the above screams for me to question how much respect you have for your relationship and how much respect you have for me.

How significant is your other?

I found myself in an odd situation last night. I was texting with someone with whom I had a slightly more than casual sexual relationship. He & I remained friends throughout. I hold him in high regard & I know the sentiment is mutual.

He recently told me that he was "transitioning into settling down". I couldn't tell you what that entailed... and he couldn't explain it to me. Despite the fact I had no idea what his transition consisted of, I knew enough to be respectful of the choice he made. I kept all conversations on the platonic, almost brotherly level.  He, on the other hand, continued with the same brand of sexually charged discourse while stating that it wasn't safe or wise for him to be alone with me. How is that my fault? How am I supposed to respond? Furthermore, during his transition, he managed to spend three hours on the phone talking to me one night and five hours continuously texting me another night.


My only question now is how significant is his other when he has time like this to spend on another...